Baby Wants CHOCOLATE August 28, 2007

It’s Saturday night. And, here I sit alone. With chocolate bar. And with tonight’s episode of Celebrity Paranormal Project…. (All that paranormal activity on the show HAS to staged…. I don’t know why I’m watching it…. Although I do find Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight quite fascinating in my numb-brained yuge-preggo state. And, Danny Bonaduce is just SO worth my time….)

It’s not opened. The chocolate bar, I mean. It’s just sitting there in a plastic bag from Blockbuster Video, where Josh-O got it for me (so you know it’s EXTRA massive…). Yeah, he went to get us a movie, and he thought he’d top things off by bringing home a “dessert” for the nice big dinner I was cooking…. Wasn’t that so thoughtful of him? Ahem, LIKE I’m cooking on a Saturday night at 35 weeks preggers! That’s right, the “big dinner” at home turned out to be the monkey’s leftover kraft dinner for Josh and, pour moi, a bagel (well, 2 bagels — but they were Montreal bagels, which are very VERY small).

It’s a big chocolate bar….

I can’t resist. No, I can…. I’ll knit New Baby’s blanket some more. And, I’ll have some milk. Mmmm…. Milk!

I’m totally addicted to milk this week. I want it all the time. I try to limit myself to 3 glasses a day because, you know, moderation and all. But, I could drink a carton in one sitting. It MUST be a craving because — EW?!?

I guess you won’t be surprised to hear that I’m CRAZY IN LOVE with Starbucks Chocolate Milk right now? “CHOCA MOOK,” as the monkey calls it. Chocolate + Milk? PURE HEAVEN.

Yes, I know, I talk a lot about food on this blog. Because I CRAVE it in this utter state of discomfort I’m in. Food UNDERSTANDS ME. It GETS my indigestion, aches, breathlessness, and crazy swelling in hands and feet….

Did you happen to see my swollen hand over at The Cheaty Monkey? It’s appalling, really.

Anyway, as the monkey’d say, I LUFF YOU, FOOD! Of course, food is my worst enemy, too: the scale! OH, THE SCALE!!! And, I get weighed TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!! Eeee Eeee Eeee Eeee!

Chooooocolate barrrrrrrrrr…..

Tap tap tap? New Baby? Please stay in there as long as you can so I can keep eating chocolate. Because, once you’re out, I have to start dieting, and that will suck royal.

Aside from eating and thinking about food, I’m blogging A-LO-HO-HOT, as usual…. I don’t know what my blogging will be like when New Baby comes. I’m hoping I can keep it up. But, I’m sure I’ll need a bit of time off…. I WILL definitely keep you posted on things ON ALL THREE of my blogs. I mean, FOR SURE! Like, you’ve been with me all this time!

Also, at the 35 week mark, I figure I better get going on the blanket I’m knitting for New Baby. I’ve already started it, and, of course, I’ve made lots of little knitting mistakes. But, I have this little rule…. I don’t go back to fix my mistakes mostly. Because, like the blanket I knitted for the monkey, this baby blanket is not supposed to be perfect. Nope! Like motherhood, it can’t be perfect; it can be beautiful and strong, but not perfect. So, the mistakes I knit become part of the pattern, the fabric, make it unique and human and interesting. I’m not the perfect mom — can’t expect that from myself with the monkey (especially when am this preggers… I LOVE YOU, DORA, DIEGO and WIGGLES!) — just like I’m far from the perfect knitter. I just do my best. And, when I make a wee mistake? No biggie. No guilt. And, the blanket turns out GORJ!

The monkey LOVES Mamma’s blankets….

So, this blanket is an important symbol. A symbol OF CHOCOLATE BARRRR of my pregnancy, of time, of motherhood, of self-acceptance and -forgiveness, of patience, and of love. It’s not supposed to be perfect; no, it’s supposed to be perfectly imperfect. It’s all I can expect of myself as a person and as a mother.

Can you guess what colour New Baby’s blanket is? I’ll give you a hint: it’s either pink or blue….

Okay, I’ve had enough knitting for now. Off to eat chocolate. SCARF!

HERE I AM! AT 35 WEEKS! BRING ON THE STRETCH MARKS! THAT’S RIGHT — BRING. IT. OHNN!!!

You wouldn’t BELIEVE how many people have asked me if I’m having twins, or even TRIPLETS, this week. I mean, I’m big, but I’m not THAT big…. Sheesh! Ka. Bob.

I love flower dividers…. They make my posts look pretty and seem organized.

I can’t believe it’s practically September already…. September 30th, Baby, HERE WE COME! Wheeee!

Want more Cheaty? Check my personal blog at THE CHEATY MONKEY!

Want celebrity gossip? Check it — at CHEATY GOSSIP!

LOVE!
xo Haley-O

I May Never Eat Again (But, I Don’t Know…) August 21, 2007

I think I’m finally getting hungry after that NIGHTMARE of a night last night (Saturday).

But, I don’t know….

The day started out GREAT. In fact, here’s the theme song of the day — check it and DANCE (pretend I’m Ellen Degeneres):

I’m 34 weeks! And, I’m SO EXCITED! Just like last time. I’m not nervous for the delivery. Just excited to meet this little one. I mean, I can totally wait another 6 weeks; the monkey and I have lots of one-on-one time to enjoy. Plus, there’s SO much to do.

Anyway, the day started out great. I was even feeling attractive BECAUSE my OB appointment was PERFECTION. I gained NO weight in the last 3 weeks, and the baby has grown a lot! And, and, AND, the baby’s head is now DOWN! I was afraid for a while there because s/he was lying side to side, and all the nurses were like, "you better hope s/he turns the right way! S/he should be head down by now!" Why does everyone INSIST on scaring me?

I was SO excited about my non-weight-gain that I took hot pics of myself….Welllll, I tried to look hot or, at least, preggogorj (it always amazes me the difference a scale can make to one’s self-esteem). And, check it — my hairs growing SO FAST….

 

I had SO much energy that morning. It was awesome. And, it was what I needed to get through the long day ahead.

LONG DAY:

Watch monkey’s swim class.

Go home with Josh to get his car.

Buy new toddler car seat for Josh’s car.

Install and/or reinstall all 3 car seats (one of the installation guys was a clone of Perez Hilton — freaked me right out).

Schlepped to IKEA to choose monkey’s new big-girl bed.

Home sweet home with BAD MOOD and SWOLLEN FEET.

By the end of the day, THIS was how I was feeling….

(Sorry about the video — I was hoping to get the movie clip from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off but can’t find it ANYWHERES.) So, now I realize that I not only suffer from prepartum depression, but I apparently have this condition called "SHOPPING RAGE." If it’s not a real term, it should be now, because I have it. I’m certain of it. For example, this was what may have been overheard at Ikea: "If someone walks in front of my stroller once more, I’m going to RUN THEM DOWN! Grrrrr!" Yeah, that’s me and my shopping rage. But, seriously, you should have seen my feet…. They were, like, bigger than my thighs. And, my thighs were swollen…. Especially after that lo-ong day.

Anyway, check my car now — it’s freaking me right out:

Two carseats! TWO! In my wee back seat. Freaking me right out. Freaking me RIGHT OUT!

Also freaking me right out is THIS:

She is FINALLY in her big-girl bed (after weeks of my nagging Josh-O to get the frick going on it! Grrrr!) My little monkey’s growing up so fast! And, BABY IS COMING!!!!!

So, this is what I look at when I step out of my bedroom….

Eeeeeee!!! Two kids. I’m going to be a MOM OF 2! Freaking me RIGHT OUT!

Anyway, I was starving after my long day of baby preparation, big-girl bed stuff, and shopping rage. So, we went to (what used to be…) my fave vegetarian restaurant. I got my fave veggie burger, sweet potato fries with spicy peanut sauce (spicy, yes…BIG MISTAKE), and vegan carrot cake. I topped it off with a glass of orange juice….. HOW STUPID WAS THAT?

I felt horribly SICK after that. And, I was up all night nauseous, gassy…, shaking from the pain! It was AWFUL. When I finally started to feel better and like I could go to sleep. A little someone decided to attack me with kisses….

…and I was in NO mood.

So, here I am. Sunday morning. I think I might be getting hungry.

But, I don’t know….

WORST COMMENT OF THE WEEK AWARD:

And, the worst comment of the week goes tooooooooooo….

THE WOMAN BEHIND THE COSMETICS COUNTER AT SHOPPERS DRUG MART!!! ("WBTCASDM"):

Me: That picture of Clive Owen is making me INSANE! [see below for poster -- it'll make YOU insane, too!)

WBTCASDM: Huh?

Me: Oh. Never mind....

WBTCASDM: So, how far along are you now?

Me: 34 weeks!

WBTCASDM: Oh, so, like, you could go any day now, huh?

Me: Um...no, I hope not.

WBTCASDM: It's just that you're looking really low now!

Me: Heh. Yeah. Umm. No. I'm still high. Still 6 weeks to go.... [beeyatch!]…

I HAVE NOT DROPPED I HAVE NOT DROPPED I HAVE NOT DROPPED. End of story.

I’m SO buying this poster. Think Josh-O will mind if I put it on my bedroom ceiling? I can stare up at it when I’m up all night with indigestion. Mmmmmm….

Come see how my little monkey’s doing in her new bed, and how my now infamous BURRRRPING is escalating at an alarming rate, at my personal blog THE CHEATY MONKEY!

Want gossip? Check it — at CHEATY’S CELEBRITY GOSSIP!

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

A Li’Bit Serious August 14, 2007

Hmmm…. I wonder where my little monkey got the phrase "I’M SO TIRELERD" from…?

Yeah, lately that cheaty little thang’s been coming up to me with squinty eyes, saying, oh-so-melodramatically, "I’m so tirelerd." It felt really great, let me tell you, when she said it this weekend in front of my mom, who thinks NO ONE should ever complain of being tired…. But, I SAY, I have the right. I have the right to say "I’m so tired" so much that my 2-year-old has included it in her lil lexicon. Because I REALLY AM "tirelerd"…. I’m "tirelerd" ALL THE TIME.

I don’t EVEN know how I’m writing in this state. So, please go easy on me if I have a typo or something totally unintelligible going on. Thanks. Love!

You know, the monkey also says "Oh crap" all the time. She got that from me, too…. But, that has nothing to do with pregnancy…. Yeah, ahem.

So, I’m 33 weeks preggers today…. Crazy. It’s sort of gone fast up till now, and sort of not. I remember WAY BACK when I was struggling with first-trimester extreme nausea and salivation (is extreme salivation not the grossest symptom, by the way? I had to sleep with a "spit towel" in my mouth, and I’d walk around the house with said "spit towel"….). I remember I was SO TIRELERD and prenatally depressed, and yet I still had to be a good mom to my cheaty little monkey who insisted on being carried everywhere and still does! That all seems like it was A LONG TIME AGO.

But, 33 weeks has just sprung itself on me. And, I’m a little surprised by it. I’m surprised that I’m COUNTING DOWN NOW IN SINGLE DIGITS! 7 more weeks to go! That’s, like, NOTHING!

So, there I was at a beautiful resort with my family this weekend, and with the sudden onset of 33 weeks came new emotions. I found myself a li’bit (that’s "little bit" in monkey speak) sensitive: say the SLIGHTEST negative thing to me, and I WILL break down. I found myself a li’bit lonely, too, even though my whole family was with me: no one else was THIS pregnant there; and, I was the only one unable to really take advantage of the resort’s activities. Also, I found myself a li’bit obese: there were so many bikinis there, and in my sensitive state, I started to feel really really uggers — puffy and swollen and in pain with each slow, elephant step I took. People were laughing at me and patting me on the back while telling me to enjoy myself "while I can" (thanks, beeyatch!). I often felt like a spectacle, as opposed to an individual with her own thoughts and feelings. A giant spectacle that people felt they could point at and whisper about. This all made me feel lonely. (Wahhh?)

See, nobody tells you about that li’bit of loneliness that characterizes pregnancy and motherhood. When you’re pregnant, you’re just "Pregnant Girl." And, when you’re a mother, everyone’s ALL ABOUT YOUR BABY. "Hello, Gorgeous!" my pediatrician always says (to the monkey, of course), and I always say, "Oh! Hi!"

So, as I walked around the grounds of the beautiful resort this weekend, I reflected on what I was feeling. And, there emerged my favourite concept in the world: compassion. I’m the ONLY one who REALLY knows or understands how I feel right now — as Pregnant Girl AND Mother AND Me. Since I’m the only one, I need to be there for me. I need to care about these feelings and honour them. I need to have compassion for myself. It’s the only way to get through these last weeks with my head up, with any semblance of energy, and with the strength that will carry me through labour and beyond….

Meanwhile…. I’m dealing with my "TIRELERD" little monkey…. Her little world is going to change dramatically. And, she’s sensing it now. Her tantrums and screeches and daddy-itis are all telling me she senses big change. I’m concerned about her. But, I KNOW it’ll be great. She’s so adaptable. And, we’ll make it fun and exciting for her.

I, on the other hand, ME…. Will I be okay handling two little monkeys with NO nanny? EVERYONE I know seems to have hired a nanny to help out. Can I not handle two monkeys on my own? THAT is the question…. THAT might be lonely…. THAT will be A LOT. And, THAT’s what’s coming…FAST. But, as pregnancy’s teaching me, I’ve got that self-compassion thing going, and tons of support from the fam, who talked much at the resort about coming together to help me when the baby comes. LOVE!? And, I definitely have support from all those on- and off-line  friends of mine who KNOW BETTER THAN TO SAY "OH, YOU’RE SO HUGE, THERE’S NO WAY YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE IT!" Bitches! Why do strange people insist on saying that!? Like, if you don’t stop saying that, MUFFIN LADY, I’m NOT coming back to your bakery, do you HEAR me!?!?

A-ny-way…. Emotional time as I begin my 7-week countdown. But, s’all good. Look how much I’m learning. Pregnancy — one of life’s greatest teachers….

Oh! I got a gifty! I got a gifty! Check it:

Try not to look at the double chin, here…. I’m a PUFFBALL…. But, look at this great tee! It’s adorable, and IT FITS GREAT. It’s from the FAB artist/designer Nicole Lee from Lee’s Things! I’m NOT good at accepting gifts, and I did try to deter her. But, I’m so glad she persevered because this is my new fave tee. Anyhoot, she’s got LOTS more preggo tees and baby designs and labels and EVERYTHING. Here’s the Cafepress shop her stuff is displayed at, FYI: http://nsccards.com/cp_designs.html. Check it! OR, email Nicole here:
Lee (at) NSCcards (.) com. Thank you, Nicole! I LOVE IT! (There are more pics up at The Cheaty Monkey.)

Want more Cheaty? Check my personal blog — at THE CHEATY MONKEY!

Want gossip? Check it — at CHEATY’S CELEBRITY GOSSIP!

Love!
xo Haley-O!

For the Love of Cats…, Squirrels…, Muffins…. August 7, 2007

Ha! I WON! I WON! I WON!!! I BEAT that ant all the way home from Starbucks. It was me against him, and I WON — fair and square. Granted, he did give me a little bit of a head start; and, granted, he figured it was safer to crawl behind me where he could see me, as opposed to in front of me where I could NOT see him and he could get squashed……. But, I beat him. He’s sitting here beside me. We’re rehydrating with some coldish water. We’re total BFFs now.

When I got home from The Big Race, I was so pleasantly surprised…. JOSH-O DID SOMETHING MONUMENTAL! At some point between his breakfast with the monkey and their swim class, he stopped at home to drop this off for me:

He left it in the doorway so I’d be sure to see it. Can you guess what it is…?

Yes!!! It’s my FAVOURITE muffin! (And, I won’t be sharing it with Ant!) I was so touched by Josh’s gesture that I got all fahklempt and teary eyed. Like, awww? Of course, little Minden came over and comforted me…, and then HE ATE ANT….

C’mon, even if you’re not a cat person, YOU KNOW YOU LOVE HIM…!

Speaking of MINDEN…. I LOVE my cats right now. I can’t even tell you.

Is it okay if we talk about my cats for a minute?

What’s that? "NO," you say? Well, just humour me, then. I’m pregnant! And, ahhh, and there’s that pregnant excuse again: "I can’t because I’m pregnant" or "I have to because I’m pregnant" or "pick that up for me and get me that glass of water and go out and get me CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM and change the monkey’s poopy diapy because I can’t because I’m pregnant." Yes, it works on EVERYTHING. It’s, like, one of the BEST things about being pregnant!

OMIGOSH, DID CANE JUST KISS AMBER ON Y&R?? SAY IT ISN’T SO! Sigh, anyway….

So, back to my cats…. Since I became preggers, I’ve been getting more attention from my three cats that I ever imagined possible. My creepy cat "MARGE!" is all over me, which freaks me a bit out because she’s usually the QUEEN OF ALOOF. And, of course, Minden’s giving me MUCH practice for the new baby: he’s yappier than ever, follows me around the house, craves all my attention. And, finally, Tigger’s constantly begging me for food (nothing new there, come to think of it). Anyway, not only are my cats more OBSESSED than ever with me, but I AM SO NUTS FOR THEM! It’s ridiculous.

Strange — the connection between preggers women and animals…. Really freaking strange!

In fact, on my race home with Ant today, I saw so many squirrels. And, erm…, I told them I loved them…. And, erm…, I totally wanted to pet them and kiss them….

I WANTED TO KISS SQUIRRELS.

A-NY-WAY!

Yeah, so I’m a TOTAL freak right now — just LOOK AT THIS POST…LOOK AT IT!!! I’ve gone insane. Maybe it’s the HEAT WAVE, my EXTREME LETHARGY, my HAAAATE  HAIRCUT….

I’m even wearing this CARAZAY green shirt today….

It was 6 DOLLARS at Old Navy. I HAD to buy it. And, now, I HAVE to wear it….

Green Shirt makes me look less like a truck and more like a hippo….

These hippo paintings are from my bizness — the artist is BIG PREGGERS, TOO, and she’s due THIS MONTH!

And, I FEEL as big as I look. TIRED TIRED TIRED. Bending down is BRUTAL. I look at everyone bending down, and I can’t IMAGINE what it’s like for that to be, like, easy. What it’s like not to have to PLAN exactly how you’re going to bend down…. spread legs? knees out? knees in? bend from the waist? bend from the knees? Tippy toes or no tippy toes…? anyone close by who can bend down instead?

I’m 32 WEEKS NOW! And, COUNTING!

Yeah. I’m super comfortable these days. SUPER.

Come talk to me in the comments. They make me feel GREAT. In my utter exhaustion and boredom — countdown to bedtime — I really appreciate all of them. It’s tough in this heat. And, some days are just unbearable for me physically and emotionally. But, the forceful kicks of new life nudge me to a better place, remind me that I’m not alone….

My cheaty little monkey has no idea what’s coming…. How to prepare her? How to tell her that this baby she loves inside mommy’s tummy is coming out in 8 weeks…?

Want more Cheaty? Check it — at The Cheaty Monkey!

Want gossip? Check it — at Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip!

LOVE!

xo Haley-O