Gotta run!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!! xoxo Haley!
Josh-O is Nesting and I Hate It September 18, 2007
I’m freaking out right now. Why? Because my husband is “touching up” the entire house. In other words, THERE’S WET PAINT EVERYWHERE IN MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW — except in the monkey’s room…she’s napping.
Grrrrrrrr….
I leave the house for 20 minutes to buy New Baby a floor mat for the nursery, and I return home to FUMES? Like, exCUSE me?!
I could not have been more pissed off. Touching up New Baby’s room? Fine. I can deal. There’s a window in there. But, the ENTIRE downstairs? Where almost none of the windows open? BITCHES! SO, UNFAIR!
So, now, not only is my breathing limited because of my HUMONGOUS BELLY and SWOLLEN NOSE. But, the little air I CAN breathe is totally fume-filled. Thanks a freaking lot. BITCHES, I SAY!
(FYI, I’m not calling YOU “bitches.” You know that, right? It’s just another wee expletive of mine. And, I’m really not sure where I got it from. Just making sure — because it’s REALLY EASY to be misunderstood in writing. I’d never call you “bitches”! I WUV you! TEARS!)
Anyway, I’ve now plunked my sorry bitter arse down in the only place in my house that’s not painted: my basement. Fun times. I’m sitting on a futon with my kitty Tigger curled up in a ball beside me. My macbook’s sitting on a pillow on my lap, and it’s bouncing up and down because Baby has the hiccups…!
I want chocolate.
I’m a (barely) walking, talking, typing incubator.
Indigestion plagues me in the night.
I almost pee in my pants every time I sneeze.
My cats are obsessed with me.
And, I with them.
My little monkey has daddy-itis.
My nose is uggers swollen.
I have pins and needles in my fat fingertips.
I smell paint.
…Of course, I only got to writing about how pissed off I am right now after checking the internet to see if it’s okay for me to be around fresh paint when I’m preggers. BAD, HALEY, BAD! I know I’m not supposed to look up these kinds of things on the internet because there’s ALWAYS going to be a site that says what I’m looking up is BAD BAD BAD! And, even if there are 20 sites that say paint is okay, it’s that ONE teeny tiny nothing site that says paint is BEYOND HARMFUL AND DEADLY AND AWFUL that drives me to the basement of my house where there’s nary a fume. Sigh….
Actually, I’m literally FORBIDDEN to use the internet to ease my anxiety or answer my quirky questions. Forbidden by my prenatal-depression psychiatrist, my psychologist, by the assistant director of Motherisk, my family doctor, husband, mother, father, and I’m pretty sure Ali forbade me during my first pregnancy (insisting that I go to her instead — so, I went to her…A LO-HO-HOT!)…….
A-NY-WAY….
If you’ve been to The Cheaty Monkey lately, you know that I’ve been struggling to get through each day physically. My hands and feet are so swollen now that they’re numb and pins-and-needly. But, as I have written (please see HERE), it’s all worth it. As lethargic as I feel, and as painful and uncomfortable as it is for me to do ANYTHING right now, it’s all worth it. I know it’s best for the baby to stay put. So, sure, I do a TON of COMPLAINING (totally for fun) on all my blogs, but there’s no self-pity here! No eagerness for baby to come TODAY — unless s/he is ready.
ONLY 12ish DAYS to go!!! And, probably even LESS than than that because my OB predicts I’ll go about 4 days early (because that’s what happened with the monkey), or even a wee bit earlier because it’s my second pregnancy.
Of course, EVERY HOUR I feel like I’m going into labour. I’m getting those pre-labour contractions, the odd Braxton Hick (at night), and other strange symptoms…, like dots all over…?
Still, my belly’s pretty high…. Check it! (Pics from the Jewish High Holidays — I had to get dressed up!!! Can you imagine? But, as you can see, I was NOT going to wear dress shoes…flip flops it was!):
I smell paint….
I definitely plan on breastfeeding, and I’m really hoping it goes well from the start. I breastfed the monkey for one year. And, that was enough for both of us. But, it’s not enough for everyone — CHECK THIS VIDEO! It’s HI-larious!!:
Heeeeeee! Are you laughing HYSTERICALLY at this? BITTY!!! HAH!
So, maybe I’ll get one more pregnancy-blog post in before IT’S TIME? And, maybe not…. Either way, I will KEEP YOU POSTED! Check in here, and at THE CHEATY MONKEY for more preggers deets.
And, for a little gossip escape, check CHEATY GOSSIP!
LOVE!!!
XO HALEY-O
Packed! September 11, 2007
I’m packed…. Packed for the hospital! Well. I’m packING. Everything takes forever, so I’m just packing, not quite packed.
Nightie — check
Bras — check
Robe — TBA (nothing fits!)
Maxi Pads — TBA
Underwear — check
Oversized Shirts — check
Toiletries — check (mini shampoos and soaps and toothpastes…LOVE!)
Flip flops — check
Diapies — check
Wipes — check
Sleepers — TBA (need to WASH)
Baby hat — TBA (dangit! forgot to get it from sister for like the thousandth time!)
Yeah, so I’m SO almost packed! Is there anything I’m missing? Should I bring a pillow? Should I bother bringing makeup? LOVE makeup. I mean, I try to go as natural as possible, but I love it. So, should I bring it to the hospital? But, when will I have time to apply it? And, do I really want to stand in the hospital washroom applying makeup? Ew? (Hate that hospital washroom.) Or, should I just bring a little mirror? SO many important questions!!!
I can’t remember what I brought to the hospital last time, when my little monkey was born…. EEEE! Can you believe how close we are!? Less than 3 weeks to go!
And, today’s my birthday (September 10). I’m 33 years old! The big 3-3. I feel more preggers than I do birthday-ish today. But, I’ve been treating myself to a great day: the monkey’s in preschool for the morning and LOVING IT; my mom took me shopping for ANOTHER UGGERS nightie for the hospital; my fam surprised me with a surprise b-day lunch; and I went for a FACIAL (while monkey played with my sis and her baby).
Apparently, I’m the first person THIS CLOSE to her due date to hazard the full facial, my aesthetician informed me. I was a wee bit anxious (see Cheaty Monkey for deets), but I’m over it and READY TO FACE THE WORLD WITH NEW CLEAR-PORE FACE.
Tonight’s the b-day dinner. NACHOS. It’s what I feel like. And, cake. A whole cake just to myself. LOVING IT. And, I think I’ll start my post-preggo/breastfeeding health-kick tomorrow…. Or, maybe not.
Oh dangit! I had other stuff to say. Was on a role. But, FORGET! FORGET EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME! Hmmm…. How ’bout you look at these pics of 37+ week preggers me, while I try to remember what I was going to say…:
Hmmm…. I can’t remember still. But, look at the little monkey in the background of the second pic. She SO busy! I keep wondering what she’ll feel like, how she’ll act, when the new baby arrives…. By the way, ahem, keep looking at her…. I figure, maybe if you look at the monkey in the background, you won’t look at my STRETCH MARKS??? Whoa!
Oh, by the way? Those splints on my arms? I have a wicked-arse case of pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel syndrome. It started to get REALLY bad a few days ago, when the pain kept me up at night and I started dropping things all the time…. So, yeah, now I’m wearing those SEXAY splints. I think I look cool in ‘em. Too bad can’t TYPE in them. Typing — it BURNSSSS!
I swear, I’m falling asleep right now. You wouldn’t believe how challenging writing this thing is right now. Especially since I TOTALLY FEEL LIKE I COULD GO INTO LABOUR ANY MINUTE NOW. But, that’s between you and me, kay? So, shhh….
QUESTION for YOU? WHAT WOULD YOU DO?: I know the sex of my baby based on two ultrasounds. So, I have a name picked out for the sex they told me. Now, SHOULD I have a name picked out for the other sex just in case? …Why do I feel like I asked you this already? Maybe because I ask EVERYONE from the grocer to the Starbucks barista, to my OB, to Jen Maier (the GORJ founder of Urbanmoms.ca, if you didn’t already know), to the mail carrier…. It’s just, I can’t think of a name for the other sex. I’m just blank! Maybe that’s a sign that it’s DEFINITELY a —–.
Ohhhhh…. And, look at my new change table:
Closet guy’s coming tomorrow to work on NEW CLOSET with DRAWERS! It’s going to be totally practical and fabulous!!!
Want more Cheaty? Check it — at The Cheaty Monkey!
Want gossip? Check it — at Cheaty Gossip!
And, you knowwwww…. When I go into labour, I WILL announce it here…! And, then we’ll go to the hospital…!
Also know how much I appreciate all your comments. It’s difficult for me to do much more typing than I do for my 3 blogs — because of both the exhaustion and the carpal. So, it’s hard for me to email and comment back. But, THANK YOU. I love hearing your thoughts. Every one of them.
LOVE! xo Haley-O
Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby! September 4, 2007
DISCLAIMER: From now till Haley-O gives birth, DO NOT expect ANYTHING brillers to appear on present screen. Thank you for understanding and for your ongoing commitment and much appreciated support of limping, burping, kvetching, double-chinned, uggers-haired, dimply-arsed preggers woman. LOVE!!!
It’s Saturday. The neighbour is rehearsing his opera aria (or, is it oprah….preggers brain killed my heretofore excillint speling abulitys). He’s a big time opera star in Europe. Apparently, it’s easier to make it in opera overseas than it is here in North America. He’s a YUGE star there. Anyway, he’s here half the year, on and off. And, he stays at his ex-wife’s house with their kids. I’m not sure what their relationship’s like now. But, my horndog preggers brain imagines them having great, opera-star ex-sex.
Ummm…., before I DARE get into the greater details of what I imagine they do when he’s back in town, maybe I should let you know where my mind’s at lately? I mean, did I mention that (other than Clive Owen) I’m so HOTT for Ed Harris? (Check it here). Oh, and today, I talked to a 19-year-old U of T rugby player for, like, 2 hours and didn’t take my eyes off his prettiness for one second — for fear that I might miss another FABULOUS angle of his gorj, tanned, perfectly-proportioned face. HORNDOG ALERT HORNDOG ALERT BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! PLEASE EVACUATE! BEEEEEEEP HORNDOG!
I think my horndogness has been one of the BIGGEST symptoms of this pregnancy. I don’t remember being this strangely horndoggy last time. I mean, I think the most unlikely men are hott. Here’s the rundown, as far as I remember it (and I don’t remember much at all these days):
CLIVE OWEN (EEEEEEEEEEEEE! drooooool…. Hottest man on EARTH [my hubby NOT INCLUDED] even when I’m not preggers.)
EVEL DICK, BIG BROTHER (even though he probably smells like farts and cigarettes, I imagine him smelling like the SEXIEST cologne ever invented…. I even love the tats — which is SO not LIKE ME!)
CANE from Y&R…. ACCCCENT!!! MMMMMWWAH!
SHANE SPARKS, choreographer, SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE (He can CHOREOGRAPH me ANY-TIME!)
GREG NEUFELD from CANADIAN IDOL (HEARRRRRRT!!! I could listen to those husky pipes all night long…. Felt like life was over when he was eliminated. I’m still not over it. WAHHH.)
ED HARRIS (IS IT HOTT IN HERE????? And, what’s wrong with me?)
Aaaaand, who can forget: WAITER FROM GRAZIE….
Of course, I saved the best for last: JOSH-O, who’s actually reaped VERY LITTLE reward from my horndogness, I’ll have you know.
I’m pregnant, soooo no touchy…. I mean THE IDEA of sex is nice and exciting and BEEP BEEP BEEP HORNDOG ALERT…, and, like, it’s on my mind a lot. But, the actual act? Not so much. I HURT down there. And, and, and…my breasts have a life of their own! And, and, and, while many pregnant women feel more beautiful than EVAH, and many actually LOOK more beautiful than EVAH when preggers, I AM NOT ONE OF THEM. I feel UG-GERS. And, you can think I’m horrible for saying that, but, it’s the truth! And, it’s okay because that’s how I feel and I’m not one to hide that truth for the sake of feminisim or the Dove campaign or whatevs. I FEEL UGGERS, yes I do, and there I said it (again). Anyway, because I feel so uggers when preggers, I like to keep this preggers bawd to myself.
You can definitely rub my belly, though. ALL OF YOU can. I SO don’t mind. LOVE!
And, by the way, I don’t feel weird about talking about NOT being into sex when I’m preggers. I only have ONE friend who had sex ALL THROUGH HER PREGNANCY (and, you SO know who you are, and so does your HUSBAND — HORNDOGS!). Most of my other friends (and I have a lot of friends — really, it’s ridiculous and time-consuming!) are SOOO not into sex when preggers….unless they’re, like, 10 days overdue and willing to try anything to go into labour….
Oh, THIS JUST IN: what do you know — apparently Angelina Jolie felt sexy when preggers.
Yes, Angelina told Marie Claire magazine that she “loved being pregnant and fortunately I was with a man who found it sexy, too”; “In the weeks before the birth,” she says, “we’d have dinner in the dunes by candlelight. We would have tents out there and we had the ocean.” HAAAAAATE.
AnyHOOT……! What about you? Were you into sex when you were pregnant? Feel free to leave your comment anonymous if it makes you feel more comfortable. Although, if I’M putting myself out there, you can, too, right? And, I’m, like SOOOOO shy. Seriously.
Want more Cheaty? Check it — at THE CHEATY MONKEY. It’s my personal blog, but it’s basically a pregnancy blog, too, right now! Come see how I’ve been preparing for NEW BABY! We’re really getting into it. Have bought sleepers and onesies and furniture and everything! And, come CHECK my feet! I got pics…..
Want gossip? Check it — at CHEATY GOSSIP!!!
LOVE!
xo Haley-O
