30 Weeks…Pretty? July 24, 2007

Whew! I made it. I MADE IT! I walked home from STARBUCKS, and I made it. Didn’t think I would. Thought I’d have to sit on someone’s front porch for a bit. But, I MADE IT. I took teeny-tiny baby steps, and I MADE IT! YES! Now, I’m sitting here downing a COLD glass of water and writing to you. And, what d’ya know, the little baby in my belly is kicking…. You LOVE mamma’s cold water, don’t you, little one…. *MWAH*!

I went to Starbucks this morning (Saturday) because it’s MY TIME, and Starbucks totally relaxes me. See, every Saturday morning now, Josh takes the monkey to breakfast with some other daddyz and then to swimming class (which is basically a half hour of the monkey screaming…), and I go chill at Starbucks.

This morning, I waddled all the way there. I hadn’t had a chai tea latte in a whole week — because I’ve suddenly started to LOATHE that dang calorie-laden drink. But, I thought I’d try another, just for old time’s sake, and to make sure that I do, indeed, loathe it. And, YES! LOATHE! It was totally vomitous!

Despite loathsome drink, I loved the time to myself with my book. I’m reading Eckler’s Wiped, since I just finished Knocked Up, which I totally LOVED and related to because it made me find humour in my expanding arse, etc., etc….

And, you know what? I felt aiight about myself. Even a teensy weensy bit pretty. Wanna hear why? ‘Kay I’ll tell you. Because this short hot guy was giving me the EYE…. Yeah, I think he liked me!? (I’m not even going to entertain the thought that he was just feeling sorry for me — you know how some guys honk or whistle at less attractive girls because they feel sorry for them? I assure you, this was NOT the case…okay?!) There was a twinkle in his GORJ hazel eyes. And, he kept saying hi to me. And, each time, I’d look down in confusion and shyness. But, I was LOVING it. It’s SO great to think that you’re still attractive at 30 weeks pregnant…. That guys might actually WANT YOU at 30 weeks pregnant. Those simple eye twinkles and little "hi"’s made my day. Love love LOVE!

I mean, not that I need a man to validate my potential gorjness…. But, it DOTH help…! At 30 weeks preggers, A-NY-THING helps! Taking a gazillion pictures of yourself to get a few aiight ones helps, too!

…umm…maybe not.

Minden has decided he wants to be famous. I told him when I’ve settled with the new baby, we can work on a pitch for his own reality show….

A-NY-WAY….

Can you believe I’m 30 weeks preggers? I mean, I CAN’T! 10 weeks to go! We are soooo, like, COUNTING DOWN! It’s pretty amazing. I can feel so much happening inside my tummy. I mean, the baby KICKS HARD, and somersaults, and stretches. I feel so blessed to experience this. To carry my baby in my body.

I look at my little girl now — as she approaches two years old — and I can’t believe she came from my body. What a gift. What a sacred gift. I’m beyond thankful to be pregnant. As much as I kvetch and laugh and make fun of my big ole preggers self, I’m constantly aware of how amazing this experience is. I’m aware that not everyone gets to have this experience. And, I feel overwhelmingly thankful. There’s a full baby inside me now! I’m connected to this baby. I FEEL THE LOVE! I am truly overwhelmed.

Me at 30 weeks:

Ahem, it would be a little nice, though if MEN could, for ONE DAY, experience the discomforts of pregnancy, though…….. They just DON’T GET IT.

Since you asked, and since it just wouldn’t be me not to kvetch AT ALL…. Here’s a list of my discomforts — I thought this would be a good note to end on (hee…):

1. Peeing EVERY FREAKING HOUR at night.

2. Laboured breathing, especially outside.

3. Picking up a toddler’s a BITCH, and the monkey INSISTS on being picked up…, especially when we’re outside in the SWELTERING SUMMER HEAT.

4. Indigestion. Again — BURRRRRRRP, OWWWWWW!!!

5. Food sucks. I want to eat, but NOTHING appeals to me. You’d think this would be a good thing. But, how am I supposed to comfort myself NOW!? Besides, I’m STILL EATING….

6. Anxiety. I’m petrified of preterm labour. Maybe it’s because people keep telling me how HUGE I am and that I’m not going to make it. BIATCHES! I even get paranoid that a little foot’s sticking out of my you-know-what!

7. Swelling. Omigosh, I can’t. make. fist. Owwww!

8. Tired tired tired tired tired tired tired.

9. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. I am soooooo stupid. Like, seriously…..

By the way, there was no RLG (Random Lady at Gym) this week. Boo. Maybe she read my blog and was AFRAID-VERY-AFRAID to approach me! Thanks so much for all your suggestions. I’ll keep them in mind for next time, when it will be TWO WEEKS since she last saw me….. What can she say that’s worse than "disgusting"???

Want more Cheaty? Go check out my personal blog at The Cheaty Monkey. I’m knitting a blanket for the little one…. Can you guess what colour it is? Hint: there will be a little bit of yellow in it………

Want CELEBRITY GOSSIP? Check it — at Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip!

TALK TO ME IN THE COMMENTS! I LOVE IT! I’ll talk back when I can. I’m TRYING to keep up. But, it’s getting really tough! BUT, I appreciate EVERY SINGLE comment!!! Please know that! LOVE!

Love!

xo Haley-O

That’s DISGUSTING! July 17, 2007

Must. Have. Smartfood Popcorn. NOW!!!!!!!!

No, seriously, I MUST HAVE IT. Hold on a sec, ‘kay. Going to go call Josh — he’ll be coming home from swimming with the monkey now. Better catch him on his way home….

‘kay back. He’s going to get me some. He better not dilly-dally, though. I need it NOW!

Actually, that’s one thing with this pregnancy I’ve noticed lately — now that I think of it. I need everything NOW! I need Josh to wake up NOW! I need that popcorn NOW! I need to pee NOW! I need to sleep NOW! I need to tackle a kitty NOW! I need new maternity clothes NOW! The monkey needs a big-girl bed NOW! So-and-so needs to shut up NOW!…So, I end up getting mad all the time (usually at Josh) because, unfortunately, one can’t get EVERYTHING one wants NOW!

I’m LOVING "RLG" lately. Remember her from last week’s post? "Random Lady at Gym"? Well, she gave me more material for this week’s post. I only go to the gym once a week for my beloved NIA class, and she’s always coming in as I’m leaving. So, here’s the convo from THIS WEEK’s encounter:

RLG: Oh my G-D!
Me: Oh, hi!
RLG: I just saw, you, what? Last week? And, you were HUGE last week, and now you’re DOUBLE the size!
Me: Oh, I, um, yes, I, erm –
RLG: It’s just DISGUSTING! It’s DISGUSTING!
Me: Yeah, I just keep getting bigger, don’t I?
RLG: I mean, I recognized your daughter and then looked up at you and, just… DISGUSTING!
Me: Thanks?
RLG: And, I saw you stretching at the end of your class, and your head was down to the floor — I couldn’t believe it.
Me: Yeah, it was kindof uncomfortable…but, gotta stretch.
RLG: You’re just huge…. That’s, just, DISGUSTING. That’s DISGUSTING!

HEE!!!! I LOVE HER! I mean, I could be totally appalled by this random conversation. Everyone I repeat it to is appalled. But, I think it’s hilarious. I’m at the point, I guess, where I’m laughing at all the comments.

Argh. Hold on a sec. MUST. PEE. NOW!!!!

One of the biggest problems with being this YUMUNGOUS is that people think they can tell you, i.e., that "You’re going to POP any minute now!" or "There’s no WAY you’re going to make it to your due date!" or "You’re so big, you’re for sure going to have a c-section!", etc., etc.. People said stuff like that to me all the time during my first pregnancy, and they’re saying it again now, AND THEY HAVE TO STOP IT BECAUSE IT SCARES ME. I mean, who wants to hear "you’re going to go any day now" when you’re ONLY 29 weeks pregnant? I mean, HELLOOO??!! It’s one thing to laugh with me and tell me I’m YUGE and "disgusting" (mind you, RLG was not laughing when she said "that’s disgusting"…), but it’s another to even JOKE about premature labour. SO. NOT. FUNNY. So just wrong.

In my last pregnancy, I was huge, too, and I gave birth only 4 days before my due date. And, TO THINK!?, I didn’t have a C-section! Isn’t that just incredible!? Hmph.

Oh oh oh! Josh is here with my Smartfood. But, erm. NOW, I don’t want it. Oh, heck, I’ll eat it anyway.

Here’s me at 29 weeks (after eating the whole bag of Smartfood…):

Okay, so, these are TERRIBLE pictures of me. First of all, I’m short, but I’m not THAT short — my oven and countertops are ridiculously high…. And, I’ve given up taking good pictures of my face. It just takes too long. But, for the record, I don’t look much like this — just ask Ali, she’ll tell you.

Want to read my personal blog? Check it — at The Cheaty Monkey?

Want your celebrity gossip fix? Go check it — at Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip!

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

P.S. I love hearing from you in the comments!!! It rocks my world, really!

Cheez Whiz Never Tasted So Good…. July 10, 2007

What is IN Cheez Whiz that makes it SO deelicious right now? I haven’t
eaten Cheez Whiz in, like, 25 YEARS. I’m an ORGANIC, WHOLE FOODS FREAK! I mean, I eat LENTILS and KAMUT and SPELT. But, today, I just HAD to have CHEEZ WHIZ.
What’s THAT all about? And, wanna know what’s more? After I ate it? I felt GREAT!
I didn’t feel sick or gross or anything. My tummy’s still buzzing with
pleasure from it….

And, chocolate M&Ms…. Why do I HAVE to have these sugar-laden artificially-coloured pieces of CARP RIGHT NOW!? And, they TOTALLY melt in your hands. TOTALLY!

M&Mmmmmmmmmmmm…!!!

And this sandwich…. Why has a sandwich never tasted SO GOOD?

But, no matter how FABULOUS everything tastes, there’s that dang INDIGESTION again! BURRRRP! OWWWWWWWW!

Here was my night last night; or, the reason my eyes have been BURNING all day:

12am — bedtime.

1:20 — pee.

2:43 — pee.

3:56 — pee.

4:28 — numbers on digital alarm clock are moving in circles. Is that a sign of gestational diabetes? Oh, wait…. It’s Friday. "JOSH, wake up! I don’t have gestational diabetes. It’s Friday, and they never called after the test! She said they’d call this week if there was a problem. I don’t have gestational diabetes! I don’t have gestational diabetes!" Must have muffin tomorrow. Pee.

5:44 — pee. Minden attacks me with kisses. Sloppy puppy kisses. Can’t. Get. Him. OFF. Me. Ew! I think his tongue touched my mouth. Why does he always go for the mouth. Are my nose and chin and forehead not enough for him? Been trying to get his tongue away from me for, like, 20 minutes. Pee.

6:30 — pee.

7:29 — freaking pee. monkey wakes up from the elephant-like sound of my walking from bedroom to washroom. change her diaper. bring her to my room. sleep is OVAH. Fabo nighto.

Minden and I are now NOT on speaking terms after last night’s RIDICULOUS display of affection.

People have been STOPPING me in the STREET to tell me they’ve SEEN THE COMMERCIAL for this blog! How cool is that! Have you seen it?!?

When we did the photoshoot for the commercial, we tried to cover a range of emotions — as displayed on the Urbanmoms.ca homepage: love, joy, awe! But, they forgot FEAR!!!! So, I’m adding this photo to the mix:

I know. NOT a good hair day. But, it is what it is. Anyway, you KNOW when I’m having an anxiety attack because I look exactly like this! And, I can look like this for HOURS. Omigosh, did I have too much cheez whiz? How much caffeine is in M&Ms? What’s up (or down) with my butt? How am I going to survive this summer?  Where are my feet? WHERE ARE MY FEET!!!??? WHAT’S HAPPENING TO MY BELLY BUTTON!!!??

NOBODY TELLS YOU….

Nobody tells you you’ll have to practically SIT on the public toilet seat in order to close the freaking DOOR.

Nobody tells you that those maternity salespeople ARE LYING TO YOU when they tell you you need the SAME SIZE as your pre-pregnancy size. (They’re also lying to you when they tell you the outfit you bought looks beautiful on you, because when you bring it home and REALLY LOOK AT IT, you’ll see that it looks LIKE TOTAL ARSE and you’re too darn tired and sluggish to return it by then.)

Nobody tells you that LABOUR can be a BREEZE compared to pregnancy.

They tell you indigestion burns…. But, nobody tells you HOW MUCH it burns.

Nobody tells you that you’re a FREAKING IDIOT to EVER THINK going through the THIRD TRIMESTER IN THE HOTTEST SUMMER EVAH would be a breeze (cute summer dresses? — umm, NO!).

Nobody tells you that you will wake up in a bed SOAKED with sweat on a regular basis and that you will KICK YOUR HUSBAND PRACTICALLY OFF THE BED IF HE’S EVEN REMOTELY ON YOUR SIDE.

Nobody tells you that, when you actually do sleep, you will SNORE like a VERY FAT OLD MAN….

Nobody tells you how much Canadian Idol will SUCK when you’re pregnant.

FAVOURITE COMMENT THIS WEEK….

Random Lady at Gym (RLG): WOW, when are you due?
Me: September 30th!
RLG: GASP!
Me: Oh, I know, I’m going to be huge.
RLG: Honey, you ARE HUGE! Whoa!
Me: Umm, yeah, thanks. Hee! Erm….

Here I am at 28 weeks! HUGE, indeed!

I need a haircut so badly, it’s not funny. I will NOT go for the new "bob" look — a la Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham. I learned my lesson during my last pregnancy, when I had my hair cut short and it looked TERRIBLE. See nobody tells you NOT TO CUT YOUR HAIR SHORT when you’re pregnant because, guaranteed, YOU WILL HATE IT.

Want more Baby Talk? Check the Discovery Health Channel Canada network (see sidebar for channels and highlights)!!! I’m learning SO MUCH watching it! Especially from…The Baby Whisperer, my new fave baby show!

Want more Cheaty? Check it — at The Cheaty Monkey! (I have a movie rental recommendation, AND I saw Knocked Up Monday evening! And…, don’t be surprised if you see these preggo pics of me there — I can only beg Josh-O to take so many!)

Want celebrity Gossip? Check it — at Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip!

LOVE!
xo Haley-O

When You’re Pregnant…and You Have a Cold…and Your Husband Has a Cold…and People Keep Telling You Their Horror Stories July 3, 2007

Sniff… Sniff… No, not crying. Sniffing. Not ‘cuz I’m sad but because DANGIT I have a cold…, or it’s the flu. Not sure. All I know is that I’m really drowsy, and my nose is not cooperating with me, and every time I sneeze I pee, and I have a sore throat, and I’m nauseous and I can’t won’t take any medication for this, and I can’t sleep, and drinking fluids every hour is making me PEEEEEEEEEE.

And, how BAD is Canadian Idol!? Just watching it now, and…WOW! Awful!

Anyway, everyone tells me "just relax, and let Josh take care of you — make him get you some chicken soup and wait on you hand and foot." But, "WAIT!" I say, with audible frustration, "HE’S SICK, TOO, dangit." We’re all sick! Me. The Monkey. AND, that hubby o’ mine who’s supposed to rub my feet, whisper sweet nothings in my plugged-up ears, read poetry to me and go out and get me that gourmet chicken soup…. No, that hubby’s conked out on the bed. The NeoCitran did him in. (HATE YOU, MR. NEOCITRAN! YOU STOLE MY HUSBAND! HATE!) I’m totally on my own. And, I’ve got an extremely cheaty little monkey to deal with totally on my own….

Josh did say he’d just get up and "help" me with the monkey, anyway. But, I said, "forget it." I don’t need two babies on my sick hands. You know how men are. So, I let him sleep in today till he felt like waking up (at 1:30pm). And, now he HAS to do EVERYTHING for the rest of the day. Feed the monkey, bathe her, take her to the park or whatever, and put her to bed. Tsk. Yeah right. Love.

Anyway, at least now I know why I’ve been walking around like a zombie the past few days…. I was in THE WORST MOOD at the neighbourhood toy store last Thursday. I’m usually really nice to everyone there. But, this time, I just wanted everyone to SHUT UP and leave me alone. If I have to tell one more person I’m due September 30th, if it’s a boy or a girl, if I have to hear one more "O-MY-GOSH! POOR YOU! THE WHOLE SUMMER," or hear one more HORROR STORY…. I’m going to lose it.

I think that’s one of the biggest problems about being pregnant. EVERYONE wants to talk to you. And, EVERYONE wants to tell you their horror birth story or their friend’s horror story, or their friend’s friend’s friend’s sister-in-law’s cousin thrice removed…. ENOUGH. Sometimes a girl just wants to be left alone to be a zombie. Blaaaaaaaah. And, if you REALLY DO feel sorry for her in this heat, get one of those giant palm-tree leaves, kneel down, and get FANNING her! Right?!

So, yeah, not feeling so hot. Barely getting through blogging the past few days. But, the support I get in blogland and from non-blogger readers (you are AMAZING) has been WONDERFUL. Thank you so much I LOVE YOU!

And, by the way? If you see me, like, in the mall or at the park or at Starbucks (which is VERY likely), DO say hi. I’m not usually this surly (hee! love that word!). I’m just not feeling well AT ALL right now. And, I’m preggers. And, no matter how SURLY I’m feeling (can one "feel" surly? too lazy to check it), or ORNERY (LOVING WORD!), you all totally make it better. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

So, what’d my ailing preggers self do with the monkey this morning, while Josh slept in till that ridiculous unfair hour? I went on a quest. I took the OVER-THE-TOP-HYPER monkey to the mall and went on a sluggish search for the perfect perfume. See, even though I have a plugged up nose, I can still manage to smell with it. This might seem bizarre, but I AM pregnant. And, pregnant women have SUPER SMELL. And — how do I put this…? — especially in the summer, we are VERY sensitive to any remotely icky smell. So, showering alone is just not enough in this extreme heat. I can’t STAND if I smell remotely like feet (everything smells like feet, it seems), or impending milk…, or sweat, you get the picture…. And, I wanted something natural, of course. Because I’m a freak and don’t like chemicals.

Something natural was IMPOSSIBLE to find. The natural scents were too lavendery or floraly or gingery. ICK ICK ICK. I was torturing myself trying all these scents. And, now — HELP. ME. — I REEK like vanilla…, and the monkey smells vanilla-celeryish…ew…because I tried some of the perfumes on her, too. And, I think I’m going to hurl, the smell is so intense.

I did end up buying a perfume. MAC. I’ve always liked their perfumes. And, the one I got is earthy, and not fruity, which was what I wanted.

Now, when I enter a room  you’ll know I’m there for the RIGHT reasons! "…Mmmmm," they’ll say, "What’s that DIVINE smell!? Oh, is it that pregnant woman? Wonder when she’s due…. Have I got a story for HER!"

I also bought a bigger bra at the mall. Make that three bigger bras. At the Bay. I was in DESPERATE need. Now I’m RIDICULOUSLY YUGE. And, not just yuge.

Here’s me at 27 weeks!:

Loving my LULULEMON capris! It’s all I wear….

Oh CARP, the hubby’s drinking NeoCitran again. ARRRRGH! So not fair. Grrrrrrr…. HISSSS….

Sooooo…. IT’S BABY MONTH on the Discovery Health Channel CANADA. Don’t miss all the FAB shows, seriously! Check the baby-month deets at the Discovery Health Channel Canada website!

And, want more Cheaty? Check it, at The Cheaty Monkey!

Want gossip? Check it, at Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip!

xo Haley-O

STOP — Tummy Time! (MC Haley…) June 26, 2007

Arrrgh. I’m having one of those days. Probably not the best day to blog. But, then again, probably THE best day to blog because blogging makes me giddy…(hee). My eyebrows are stuck in that same curled-up worried posture. Not sure why — they’re just stuck there. Maybe because I’m trying to keep my eyes open, and pressing my eyebrows up is actually helping keep my eyes open? Or, maybe it’s something less physical? Maybe I’m just exhausted emotionally.

These days, I find, there’s SO much pressure on pregnant women to be PERFECT for the sake of the unborn child: from what we eat, to what we drink, how we look, what we wear, to what kind of exercise we do, how much weight we gain, what vitamins we take, etc.. And, one gets a little tired trying to meet these expectations; perfectionists like me get EXHAUSTED trying to meet these expectations. Like, this adage is ALL OVER the books, the news, etc.: A HEALTHY MOM MAKES A HEALTHY BABY.

The peeps who initiated this adage were OBVIOUSLY male, or had OBVIOUSLY never been pregnant before.

So, I ask myself: Are they telling me my baby’s LIFE depends on what I put in my mouth?? My baby’s LIFE depends on whether or not I eat enough vegetables (even though I can hardly LOOK at broccoli these days)? No peanut butter? Are they TRYING to kill me? I can understand the big three: alcohol, tobacco and drugs…. But, my uncontrollable stress level? My diet (YOU try managing preggo cravings!)? My water intake? Do I drink caffeine? Do I eat peanut butter (freaking YES!)? And, how ’bout that fish issue?: EAT LOTS OF FISH because your child’s brain and eye development DEPEND on it!; LIMIT YOUR FISH INTAKE because the mercury is detrimental to your child’s brain development. Like, SHUT. UP.!!!

Too much pressure. Too much guilt. Too much fuel for anxiety. No wonder prepartum and postpartum depression are on the rise…! It’s just too much! LAY OFF, YOU MEANIE PEOPLE!

All this constant societal pressure to be the PERFECT woman for the sake of THE CHILD is, I think, precisely why I’m enjoying Rebecca Eckler’s  Knocked Up: Confessions of a Modern Mother-to-be, so much. She drinks coffee, lives on big macs and french fries, and even has the occasional drink and smoke when she’s pregnant. I LOVE IT. It’s so refreshing and uplifting to read a book like this, to throw pressure and guilt to the wind and escape in the freedom of doing whatever feels good…. Of course, the big guilt she grapples with is relatively superficial — the weight gain. But, I MUCH prefer that to "YOUR BABY’S LIFE DEPENDS ON IT"! HATE! Eckler’s book is literally a breath of fresh air! And, it makes me laugh. Out loud. In Starbucks.

(Click this pic for book deets….)

Of course, contrary to Eckler, I freak out if I even have my FAVOURITE Starbucks chai tea latte, which is, like, ALMOST every day…. I’m sure there’s hardly any caffeine in it, but still…. Darn cravings. And, today was RIDICULOUS! I bought a bottled water. But, when I opened it, I wasn’t sure if the safety seal had been in tact. So, what’d I do? I THREW THE FREAKING WHOLE THING OUT! And, I was thirsty! But, I was worried that MAYBE the seal was broken and that MAYBE someone put something in the water that would hurt the baby…. I know, a little extreme. But, that’s how I get, all thanks to THE MEANIE PRESSURE PEOPLE.

Yeah, so, today is one of those insane days when the pressure gets to be too much, and anxiety flourishes…. Drowning my sorrows in sugary, fatty foods (mmm…MUF-FIN) will only make it worse. So, I’m having brown rice and chickpeas for lunch because I’m feeling like it’s good for the baby…and, maybe it’ll balance my nutty hormones a little, and maybe I can feel like I’m being a perfect pregnant woman for a little, and it’s probably better than Quiznos, ya think…? Mmmm…Quiznos….

Of course, I ate the whole thing and more. And, then I got anxious that eating too many chickpeas at one sitting would be bad for the baby somehow………….. Help. Me. (Now you see why I’m in therapy!?)

My parents gave me a break from my little monkey this morning. Josh is away in Calgary for a wedding, so I REALLY needed some time to myself. I cried when I passed the monkey over to my parents — THAT’S how grateful I was for the break. I took myself RIGHT to Yorkdale. Went to Indigo for my chai……… And, then I went shopping. I picked up my new Lululemon capris, the only pants in the whole mall that would fit my ginormous shape. And, would you believe, I had to SHORTEN them?! Who has to shorten capris! The joy of capri season is precisely that you don’t have to shorten your darn pants, right?!? You can buy them and wear them the next day! To think! Anyway…. I also bought me some new maternity tops at Old Navy. They’re aiight.

How’s that for some retail therapy…? Of course, I also bought some Dora and Diego books for the monkey…because I MISSED her……..

MY PREGNANCY THEME SONG [to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It"]

There are dimples on my butt on my butt. Woohoo!
There are dimples on my butt on my butt. Yee ha!
There are dimples on my butt,
And I’ll not get in a rut
‘Cuz I’m pregnant and I like a good donut. Woohoo!

[Actually I do NOT eat donuts. "Donut" in this song is a metaphor -- I'll have you know -- for all things chocolaty, muffiny, cakey, and HIGHLY-caloricy.... Mmmmmm! Can't. Help. Self. From. Indulging. Even newly dimply butt doesn't stop me.]

Yeah, I’m pretty sure my butt’s taking a hit this pregnancy. Seriously, CAN a baby grow into your butt area? Maybe that’d explain things…. WhatEVS, so be it. I just signed up with Fitpregnancy.com, so I’m hoping that’ll slow down the dimple gainage and prep me for the SERIOUS post-preggo fitness plan I’ll be in desperate need of…! THANK YOU to Kugey for recommending it!

Oh, by the way, I’m still working on the next verse of my pregnancy theme song — it’s about my new double chin. LOVE!

Oh! Oh! Oh! I know what’ll make me and EVERYONE smile and REVEL in the joy of "imperfection" (which is really perfection…wait till you see!): TUMMY TIME!!!!!!!! Check all the beautiful and different bellies!  In all shapes and sizes! LOVE!!!

First: check out MOI!

Moi at 25 weeks….

 

Moi now, at 26 weeks — growing like CRAZAY!!!

As Jen Maier (Urbanmoms founder!) said to me today — when we bumped into each other at Yorkdale, "what the heck am [I] going to look like at 9 months!!!???" We shall see…!

AND, HERE YOU ARE!!! ENJOY!!!

Now THAT was feel-good stuff! Look how CUTE everyone is!!! And, so GORJ!!! Really, beautiful. LOVE!

So, July is BABY MONTH on Discovery Health Channel Canada (see sidebar for what channel it’s on in your area), and I got to preview some of the shows they’ll have on! My absolute favourite, I have to say, is THE BABY WHISPERER — with Tracy Hogg, who was christened "the baby whisperer" by Jody Foster, and has worked with Julia Roberts and tons of other A-list celebs. Here’s a blurb on the show (from her website):

In each episode, Tracy is called upon to “fix” what seems to the parents an insurmountable problem — a nineteen month old who sleeps in her parents’ room, still wakes up every   hour to nurse, and won’t eat solids; a two year old tyrant who runs his household and when he doesn’t get his way bangs his head; a fifteen-week-old  who is failing to put on weight like his twin brother and who doesn’t sleep more than fifteen minutes at a time. Each episode demonstrates not only Tracy’s incredible problem-solving skills, but also her compassion for children and parents.

In the episode I watched, Tracy managed to get a sleepless child to sleep — almost effortlessly — with a few commonsense techniques that we can all learn from. AWESOME!

There are tons of other great baby shows (and weight loss shows! squeeeee!) lined up for July on Discovery Health. You HAVE to CHECK IT! (See their website for current scheduling.)

Want more Cheaty? Check it — at The Cheaty Monkey!

Want gossip? Check it — at Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip!

And, hey, thanks for stopping by! LOVE!

xo Haley-O

Life Goes on When You’re Pregnant; and, THE COMMERCIAL (featuring MOI!) June 19, 2007

So I can’t walk. After I’ve been sitting for a while. Can’t walk. After I’ve been driving for a while. Can’t walk. Pelvis AND tailbone — OWWWWW! Still lifting the 25lb+ monkey, though! Mommy’s gotta do what mommy’s gotta do!

Burping. Every 10 minutes. <<BURRRRP!!>> No really, every 10 minutes. And, there’s NO WAY around it. I try to keep it in, but, no use! People standing 5 feet away from me can hear it. I’ve startled people with the burping…. My sister is no longer laughing about it…. And, yes, I’ve been burping for about 25 weeks straight now…. Every 10 minutes, give or take. Yeah, so this is me TOTALLY:

It’s really attractive. It could be so much worse, though…. I mean, at least I’m not…farting (did I just say that? How crude of me…, but, I suppose, one’s bound to get “fart” on a pregnancy blog…. Fart fart fart fart fart FARRRRRT!!!! Hee!)

Whenever I’m nauseous, BURRRP. Whenever I’m nervous, BURRRP. After I eat, BURRRP. Dare suggest something grossish to me, BURRRP. It’s amazing, really. Quite fascinating, actually.

Well, I’ve been burping up a STORM this past week. Someone I love has been in the hospital since Tuesday. I’ve been waiting around and popping in and out of the intensive care unit. Now Someone’s in a private room at the hospital, and I’m visiting with the monkey every day. The burps are, of course, having a heyday — because I’m a nervous wreck, and because the hospital smells like FARTS (hee!).

I’ve been relying on Purell for peace of mind…. But, not even PURELL could give me peace of mind today when I (with my superhero hearing) overheard a nurse telling a maintenance person to keep some patient’s door shut because there was an “air-born infection” on our floor. Helllloooo!? ME! Pregnant!? With toddler!? Of course, I HOLLERED after that nurse: “LOOK AT ME [pointing at big belly]; I’m pregnant! Is it safe for me here? What about the air-born thingy you were talking to that woman about? Is there something I should know? Are we safe?” She assured me everything was fine. But, man. Who needs that…when she’s pregnant?

More than that, who needs a VERY special someone in her life almost DYING…when she’s PREGNANT? Who needs to be at A HOSPITAL every day…when she’s PREGNANT? Who needs to be so scared like this…when she’s pregnant? And, feeling SO germy…when she’s pregnant?

But, see, that’s the thing. Life goes on when you’re pregnant. Things happen. Someone has surgery and IS RECOVERING beautifully, thank God. And, cats poop on your kitchen floor — even though you’re TERRIFIED of cat poop when your pregnant. And, builders come to your house to fix your patio and use 4 coats of PAINT STRIPPER, of which you’re PETRIFIED when your pregnant. And, there’s a bug in your sandwich…when you’re pregnant. And, the milk in our cereal’s sour BEFORE the best-before date…when you’re pregnant. And, your kid weighs A TON and insists you carry her ALWAYS…when you’re pregnant. And, life goes on.

And, all the while, a sense of calm when you finally lie down after a long day…and baby starts to kick. Ahhhh. Peace from within. Totally pure being moving and kicking and swimming inside. Oblivious to the scary days, the cat poop and paint stripper fears, the bug, the excitedly-screeching-in-hospital monkey. An inner peace and love that money or yoga or meditation cd’s or purrrrring kitties cannot bring.

It’s worth all the burps, the pains, the limps, the weight, the hormonal floods of tears. All of it. Love.

Have you met my research assistant, Minden? We’re obsessed with each other. LOVE!

COMMERCIAL TIME!!! CHECK IT!!!:

Pretty coo, huh? FUN! See the commercial ON TV — at Discovery Health Channel Canada! Check DHCC’s website for their FAB program lineup!

SEND ME YOUR PREGGO BELLY NOWWWWWWW! Please? I put out the call for pics of your belly last week, and I got a bunch (and THANK YOU!), BUT I want MORE! Because I know a lot of you are just being lazy arses! So, c’mon now, join the fun, and send me YOUR BELLY (with or without shirt, with or without your face in the pic). Don’t be shy! THANK YOU! Oh, and, please send it to cheaty@urbanmoms.ca (that’s ME!). LOVE!

Want gossip? Check it — at Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip!

And, hey, STILL want MORE Cheaty? Check it — at The Cheaty Monkey!

xo Haley-O

Muffins, and Cookies, and Chais, OH MY! June 12, 2007

My God! Instead of using cutesy titles for pregnancy books, why don’t they just title them 101 Ways You Can F— Up Pregnancy? Or 101 Things That Can Go Horribly Wrong during Pregnancy? Or 101 Ways to Harm Your Baby, or 101 Things You Can’t, under Any Circumstances, Do While Pregnant, or 101 Ways Your Body Will Never Be the Same?

– Rebecca Eckler, Knocked Up: Confessions of a Modern Mother-to-be, 2004

I think I ate a bug this morning. I found one in my cheese-tomato-lettuce-on-wholegrain-bagel sandwich. So, there were probably more in there that I didn’t see, right? Ew. Josh (the hubby) says it’s good protein. I, on the other hand, am thinking, "Is it okay if I eat a bug when I’m pregnant? Should I call Motherisk? WAAAHHH!"

Eating. SUCH a big issue for me in pregnancy. Am I eating too much? Am I eating the right things? Am I eating any of the wrong things? How much fish can I eat? Feta cheese okay? To go organic? And, the major question: can I have my FAVE Chai Tea Latte EVERY SINGLE DAY? …with a muffin? Blueberry? …with that YUMMY crumble on top? Huh? Can I? Is it okay if I…? Will it make me…fat? Should I ask Motherisk?

I suppose I can indulge in my chai-tea-and-muffin addiction if I want…. But, DUDE, I’m HUGE. No, really, HUGE. I know you think I’m a BIG LIAR because I said I was HUGE last week, and those professional pics of me showed a rather average size preggo belly. But, LET ME REMIND YOU! I was ONLY FOUR months (not even) when those pics were taken. Here’s me now, at FIVE months, ‘kay? Check it:

See, I told you…. HUGE for five months. So, question: what’s going to happen 4 months from now? Like, how much bigger can I get? I mean, really? Can you even imagine?

Hee. At least it’s funny. And, at least I get LOTS of (the good kind of) attention from my big tummy: people hold doors for me, offer to carry my grocery bags, smile and say hi when I waddle by — soooo nice. Except when I went to the Ballet at the Four Season’s Centre with my mom last week; people were NOT preggo-friendly there — no one even SMILED at me. How rude!

Anyway, I digress.

In my first pregnancy, I gained a ton of weight in the second half of pregnancy. It was crazy. And, then, I gained MORE weight breastfeeding. Again, crazy. I want to avoid all that this time. If I’m going to have an UNIMAGINABLY HUGE tummy, I should probably try to limit the fat I gain all-round starting now (as I enter the second half of pregnancy). Otherwise, I probably, like, won’t be able to move…. So, my goal: to curb the unnecessary weight gain NOW, and to develop good eating habits NOW (despite crazy cravings) so that I can prepare myself to actually lose weight after pregnancy.

Despite the fact that the wonderful people at Motherisk and my doctors and my prepartum depression therapists have ALL STRICTLY FORBIDDEN me to read pregnancy books (because I had a nervous breakdown in my first pregnancy when I took all the GAZILLION things they said you’re NOT TO DO in pregnancy a little LOT too seriously…), I bought myself a couple of pregnancy nutrition books to get me going on my goals:

      
(Click on the above images for deets on the books….)

Both of these books have been instrumental in motivating and teaching me to eat well and cook well for the remainder of my pregnancy and beyond. Here are some of the meals the books have inspired:

Sweet Potato Soup with Multi-Grain Roll

Chicken and Cheese Fajitas

Turkey-and-Bean Chili

Healthy Muffins!

All the meals I’ve tried in these books are super fast and tasty…. And, I’m learning a ton about balanced eating. NO FADS FOR MOI!

Healthy balanced eating, with an emphasis on whole foods, is what you want during and after pregnancy. ‘Cuz, trust me, it’s very easy to "eat for two" during pregnancy. Everyone tells you, i.e., "You MUST eat an ENTIRE ROBERT’S CAKE at least once in your pregnancy," or "Who cares if you eat a lot of muffins, you’re pregnant — when else will you be able to indulge like this?" IT’S NOT TRUE! THEY’RE ALL WRONG! You CANNOT eat like crazy during pregnancy, or you’ll REALLY look like the WHALE you often feel like, AND, you’ll pay for it with saddle bags, a really big butt and flab after the baby comes….

PLUS, the more nutritiously you eat, they say, the better it is (not only for you but) for baby, too.

While I’m on a roll recommending books…. The BEST yoga book/program for pregnancy out there is, HANDS DOWN, this one (and, I’m telling you this as a certified yoga instructor, m’kay?):

(Click image for book deets.)

So, with yoga, walking, NIA classes and eating better, I’m going to LOOK and FEEL FABO — but inevitably HUGE and probably SWOLLEN from the summer heat — throughout the remainder of my pregnancy. Yeeahh!

Gotta go — going to pick up my brand new capris! Later!

HEALTHY MUFFIN RECIPE!

Here’s a healthy banana-nut muffin recipe that I adapted from Better Food for Pregnancy (p. 153). I altered the recipe by using only whole-wheat flour (for extra fiber), by adding walnuts (for Omega 3s), by using Canola oil instead of butter (to eliminate saturated fat), and by adding dried fruit (for my dried-fruit-obsessed little monkey…). One of these muffins plus a glass of milk makes a GREAT, HEALTHY snack (whether you’re preggers or not)! Try it! It’s deelish!

INGREDIENTS:

3/4 cup oat bran
1/2 cup quick-cooking rolled oats
1/2 cup natural wheat bran
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup lightly packed brown sugar
1 tbsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
Pinch salt
2 eggs (lightly beaten)
1 cup mashed riped bananas (about 2-3 bananas)
1/2 cup skim milk
1/2 cup canola oil
1/2 cup walnuts (optional)
1/2 cup raisins, dried cranberries, or dried blueberries, etc. (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Preheat Oven to 400°F (200°C).

2. In a large bowl, combine oat bran, oats, wheaty bran, whole wheat flour, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, walnuts, dried fruit.

3. In a medium bowl, whisk together eggs, bananas, milk, and oil.

4. Add wet mixture to flour mixture and mix with a wooden spoon until just combined.

5. Spoon mix evenly into lightly-greased muffin cups.

6. Bake in preheated oven for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the middle of a muffin comes out clean.

7. Let cool for 10 mins.

8. ENJOY!

You can freeze some of the muffins if you want, too, of course! Otherwise, leave them out for up to 3 days in an airtight container. Let me know how you like them!

TIME FOR YOU TO PARTICIPATE!: I’d LOVE to see pictures of YOUR preggo bellies (even if they were taken, like, 10 years ago)! We all wanna see what YOUR belly is/was like! Send your pic to me at cheaty@urbanmoms.ca, and I’ll post them on this blog next week! If you want to remain anonymous, no biggie! You/I can crop the pic so that only your belly shows. What do you think? We could have a celebratory collage of TUMMIES. FUN! And, PLEASE do send in a pic; I don’t want to look like a total loser, like, if no one sends anything!

Want more Cheaty? Check it — at The Cheaty Monkey!

Hungry for celeb gossip? Check it — at Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip!

xo Haley-O!

First-Post-on-New-Blog Jitters: Here I Am June 4, 2007

Breathe in … breathe out … breathe in … breathe out. YES, I’m a little nervous. Hold on a sec, gotta just check my junk email, ‘cuz you never know if something important’s there….

‘Kay back.

So, yeah, I’m nervous about starting a new blog. New audience. New subject. Blank screen. Hold on a sec, I have to brush my cats — it’s been, like MONTHS….

‘Kay back.

Wait one more sec? neighbour’s outside. Simply MUST go talk to her about the weather…or, something…anything…. But, second thought, maybe I should skip that and just face the music. Put myself out there, again, in a new space, for new peeps. HERE I AM.

The name’s Haley. Otherwise known in Internet Land as Haley-O. I spend my days with my cheaty little monkey — my 22-month-old daughter (whom I call “the monkey”) — and, at night I morph into a…wait for it:

MOMMY BLOGGER!!! Mwhahahahaha! hee!

That’s right, when the monkey goes to bed, I fill the pages of my personal blog, The Cheaty Monkey, and my celebrity blog here at Urbanmoms, Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip. So, yeah, with two blogs already on the go, you’d think THIS one would be a cinch. Ahhhh…not-so-much.

NOTHING is a cinch when I’m pregnant. EVERYTHING makes me NERVOUS. Most recently, my toothpaste, the guinea pigs at the monkey’s school, my hand soap, Fifth’s disease, and my blender have driven me to anxious insanity…. As many of you know from The Cheaty Monkey, I’ve suffered in both my pregnancies from “PREpartum Depression.” It’s THE WORST in my first trimester when hormones GO WILD. For the first few months of this pregnancy, I, like, couldn’t get out of bed because I was petrified. I remember listening to the sound of people closing their car doors outside my house. “How do they do that?” I wondered, “How do they actually leave their houses?” When I realized I was too scared to leave my house, I decided to nip it in the bud and start making goals for myself.

TOMORROW: BUY CHEESE AND MILK AT GROCERY STORE.
TUESDAY: WALK DOWN STREET.
WEDNESDAY: GO TO GYM.

The goals helped a lot. And, it got easier. Now, I’m just a little insane….

This pregnancy has been especially challenging because I’m taking care of my little girl. And, finding the energy to entertain her is, well, challenging. You see, I’m really big. I’m (almost) 5′1″ tall, so there’s nowhere for my tummy to grow but OUT. Seriously, no one can believe I’m only 5 months along; I look like I’m 11 months. (And, of course, people tell me that all the time, blah blah blah….) And, since I’m due in late September, I have the WHOLE hot summer to grow even bigger while chasing and lifting and playing and struggling to feed my (picky little) cheaty monkey. Weeeee!

Yes, I feel massive and way out of shape. And, I’ve had prettier days. And, yes, my self esteem has seen better days — I soooooo get that. Why can’t I be like some other pregnant women I know, who feel strong and beautiful and wear heels still…? Mind you, I don’t know any pregnant women like that. Do you?

TRUTH BE TOLD, though, I LOVE MY BELLY. It’s awesome, really. It’s gigantic and
miraculous and beautiful, no matter how lazy and exhausted and bloated I feel
overall. It’s also perfectly round…. Like a basketball, a sparkly disco ball….

And, I LOVE that I’m feeling so much movement from the baby now — as I approach week 23! The movement makes me feel so much more connected to the baby, you know? The little kicks and flutters are constant reminders of how amazing it is to be so perfectly close to him/her all the time…. LOVE!

The professional photos that were taken of me last month (by the GORJ Beverley Daniels) are a testament to the roller coaster of emotions that characterize my pregnancy: the joy, the fear, the giddy insanity, the peace, the love…. See that photo of me on the sidebar (to the right)? It’s a product of the shoot.

DUDE, I’m ALMOST NAKED! My DDDs in NOTHING but a WHITE CLOTH….FOR ALL TO SEE! EEEEEK!

The photos were taken for a commercial that’s going to be airing throughout the months of June & July on Discovery Health Channel Canada, as part of BABY MONTH (July)! You simply MUST check Discovery Health Channel Canada’s website for all the fab shows they have on — seriously. And, don’t worry, you’ll FOR SURE see the commercial, like, even if you live in Timbuktu, because I’ll post it right here for you as soon as I can.

Now, for the record, I LOVE my belly, but I AM NOT COMFORTABLE SHOWING IT ON TV! And…no bra? Hello are you kidding me? Somehow, though, everyone at the shoot made me feel comfortable. I really enjoyed myself and, for once, felt kinda confident and beautiful-like! (And, yes, I was totally pretending I was on America’s Next Top Model — hello, of course?!) HERE I AM! Check it:

Beverley Daniels Photography

Beverley Daniels Photography

Beverley Daniels Photography

Beverley Daniels Photography

Beverley Daniels Photography

Beverley Daniels Photography

…Kay, back. I just finished feeding the monkey her lunch. WHAT KID doesn’t like mac n’ cheese, I ASK YOU!? Yes, it was an organic mac n’ cheese, with real cheese, but it tastes like Kraft! Hmph, cheaty little monkey….

Anyway, welcome to my new pregnancy blog. I hope you’ll participate in the comment area (see comment link below). You don’t have to reveal your true identity, so don’t be shy; but, do be nice! I hope you’ll request stuff, and talk to me about YOU, etc.. I’ll join in on the comment discussion. So, see you there? (By the way, once you comment, you’ll have to verify that you’re not a SPAMBOT by typing in some numbers, you’ll see — it’s totally easy.)

Next week: I’ve gone on this HEALTHY EATING KICK. Don’t miss my new plan to be super healthy and NOT to gain too much weight in the 2nd half of pregnancy!

For more on the first half of my pregnancy, and on everything from the monkey’s NEW SOOES, to my kitties, to makeup, clothes, TV, etc., do check The Cheaty Monkey (you can go straight here for all the posts related to this pregnancy, or straight here for all posts related to prepartum depression). By the way, if YOU are suffering from prepartum depression, don’t hesitate to contact me — email me at cheaty@urbanmoms.ca.

Of course, if you need a little escape, check Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip! LOVE!

xo Haley-O